The Jinxed

Its funny that we don't learn from our mistakes. No matter how torn we are in past relationships we still have the audacity to stand up and look around to find new love after being in the safety cocoon for some days. We cry , eat vanilla with hot thick chocolate syrup , join gym, catch up all old friends, change hairstyles and become religious . Trying to be cool and strong . There is an ocean of hatred and waves of sorrow keep breaking the shores of your daily mental conditions. Though we keep saying" me not looking for any love anymore" but deep within we cant not lie. Yes we need love. Yes we need dat one who calls me his or her own. Yes we need dat shoulder to rest my head upon and Yes we need those late night messages to bug me for crying out loud. Yes we need that piece without which we cannot be whole. Is it stupidity or just bravery? Is it a sign of weakness  or strength to get up fast in life? Or is it we really seeking love or its lust?

Both sides of coin seems right. What are we suppose to do at times like this. Yeah we carry our life. Do the routine with the plastic smile because no one damn cares when you crying. No consolation can put the pain at ease. The love is gone. The faith is gone. You are gone. 

But still your purple bloody heart plays. It seeds faith. You try to resurrect again. Hatred turns hope. The feelings trickle down the spine when you meet the new. You share your secrets. You bond because you got some one to empathize you. But it could be mere sympathy. This mistaken situation is tricked as love again. You go again the same path. You are blinded and cant see your own footprints in the sand you walked before.

Carried by the same dreams wrapped in new cover. You live your life now holding the hands and following the way of your future ex.

And the time comes again when you start again to think its funny that we don't learn from our mistakes. Shattered more than previous. This time you try to jump from building or try to cut wrist. But you chicken out hoping for better future. But you fail to release that you are jinxed and that cannot be cured by anyone's love. Its just dead end. 

As my dear friend keeps saying to love yourself because you are the greatest lover you can ever find. You shall never deceive yourself. Loyal to the core. And I hate to admit he is right. But again its all about stupidity, sign of weakness and lust and we fall for the new one all over again and the vicious cycle continues.

RJFS